Tuesday, November 23, 2004
This last weekend after a severe shallacking at the hands of those damn beavers, the U of O Ducks Football team held an awards banquet for there sub-par football team. This is the first time in 8 years the ducks won't be playing during x-mas, and the first time in 14 years that they have had a losing record. Yet they still hold an awards banquet. What for the best player on the worst oregon team in the last decade? Congrats terrence you did ball this year, but holy crap the last time oregon saw a football team this bad I was 8, and my biggest worry was whether my moms packed me some fucken snack-pack. End of rant.
So after this crappy oregon team held an awards banquet, I felt it necessary to reward our IM flag football team, that for the second year in a row was one game away from the big dance. Good year fellas, I had a blast this year. This year I felt we fielded our best team ever and just wanted to give some shout outs to the peeps that made it all possible.
No MVP's this year. Everyone played their hearts out and left everything on the field, so I feel you can't reward a single person when everyone out there balls so hard. So we got individual awards.
United Airlines Frequent Flyer - J-bone. I'm tellen you every time this guy touched the ball he was in the air more than he was on the ground. He was so exciting to watch, even girlfriends of fellow teammates have been known to name J-bizzel there favorite player.
Nobody's seen azians fly like that...Watch your mouth.
Mr. 99 Award – AOLPimp. At the start of the season there was a slight QB controversy until Mr.99 decided not only was he the starting QB, but he would be throwing, catching, and running every ball as well. Unfortunately for AOLpimp league rules stated that a minimum of five people were required for every game. As forfeiting was not an option, Mr.99 graciously let us all play around him and even threw the ball to us from time to time.
He is a big fella.
Tonselitis Award – Cbombz. Every game cbombz attended would be heard by the entirety of Eugene. Her obscenities would make a sailer cry. As a ballgirl she also rocked the cashbah and was known to have given Blackjack several blown gaskets when she would be talking to refs instead of throwing the ball in. It was a good thing she missed the semis or her head may have exploded witnessing the atrocious officiating.
C-bombz = Intensity
Worst Playcaller in the History of the World – Stork. While the stork could D anybody up and threw down on some opponent wide receivers, his playcalling in the huddle made me want to put my head in a vice. The renound Impossible Stork play 9000, illustrated below, requires the qb to roll out to the right at full speed, and throw across his body to the opposite side of the field 70 yards downfield. Oh and the receiver, usually the stork, must scream for the ball as loudly as possible and wave his hands in an up to down position. Not even the Arnold could run this play.
I know it just hurts your eyes just looking at it.
Softest Hands – Atrain. I don’t know what this guy did in Pakistan to make his hands so god damned soft, but he can catch anything within 10 feet of him. Occasionally, Atrain would be spotted exiting J-bone’s bathroom before games with a huge smile on his face. We believe he was simply fixing the dryer.
In da south they catch ballz wit dey eyes closed holmie.
Greatest Transformation – Dnutz. Well D-nutz only attended one of our games, but that game witnessed the greatest transformation in the history of modern sports. At the beginning he was only a retarded waterboy. That is until BJ went down with an ankle sprain. We brought in the nutz to fill in and all of a sudden he starts barking and rolling around on the D-line. When he started foaming at the mouth the opposing team got a little worried and it was three and out from that point on, as nobody ran the ball even close to his vicinity.
From dummy to dadawgfather.
Greatest Tandem – BJ/Smyler. Blackjack was the greatest hiker this side of the Mississippi, and when Smyler came down with a TD grab, BJ was the first guy to give him a huge hug. Can you feel the love tonight?
Now thats love.
Mr. Media – Cdub. As always I got nothing to say to any camera guys, so fuck off media. Read my blog.
Shit I'll cut it when i feel like it bitches.
Captain Amazing – K. This guy would spend so much time telling people how bad they were at there prospective positions that when we finally threw him a ball he dropped the hell out of it.
He can even punt too.
So there you have it guys, it was a great year and I wanna thank everyone for coming out. Next year we take state, no doubt in my mind things'll be different.
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So after this crappy oregon team held an awards banquet, I felt it necessary to reward our IM flag football team, that for the second year in a row was one game away from the big dance. Good year fellas, I had a blast this year. This year I felt we fielded our best team ever and just wanted to give some shout outs to the peeps that made it all possible.
No MVP's this year. Everyone played their hearts out and left everything on the field, so I feel you can't reward a single person when everyone out there balls so hard. So we got individual awards.
United Airlines Frequent Flyer - J-bone. I'm tellen you every time this guy touched the ball he was in the air more than he was on the ground. He was so exciting to watch, even girlfriends of fellow teammates have been known to name J-bizzel there favorite player.
Nobody's seen azians fly like that...Watch your mouth.
Mr. 99 Award – AOLPimp. At the start of the season there was a slight QB controversy until Mr.99 decided not only was he the starting QB, but he would be throwing, catching, and running every ball as well. Unfortunately for AOLpimp league rules stated that a minimum of five people were required for every game. As forfeiting was not an option, Mr.99 graciously let us all play around him and even threw the ball to us from time to time.
He is a big fella.
Tonselitis Award – Cbombz. Every game cbombz attended would be heard by the entirety of Eugene. Her obscenities would make a sailer cry. As a ballgirl she also rocked the cashbah and was known to have given Blackjack several blown gaskets when she would be talking to refs instead of throwing the ball in. It was a good thing she missed the semis or her head may have exploded witnessing the atrocious officiating.
C-bombz = IntensityWorst Playcaller in the History of the World – Stork. While the stork could D anybody up and threw down on some opponent wide receivers, his playcalling in the huddle made me want to put my head in a vice. The renound Impossible Stork play 9000, illustrated below, requires the qb to roll out to the right at full speed, and throw across his body to the opposite side of the field 70 yards downfield. Oh and the receiver, usually the stork, must scream for the ball as loudly as possible and wave his hands in an up to down position. Not even the Arnold could run this play.
I know it just hurts your eyes just looking at it.
Softest Hands – Atrain. I don’t know what this guy did in Pakistan to make his hands so god damned soft, but he can catch anything within 10 feet of him. Occasionally, Atrain would be spotted exiting J-bone’s bathroom before games with a huge smile on his face. We believe he was simply fixing the dryer.
In da south they catch ballz wit dey eyes closed holmie.Greatest Transformation – Dnutz. Well D-nutz only attended one of our games, but that game witnessed the greatest transformation in the history of modern sports. At the beginning he was only a retarded waterboy. That is until BJ went down with an ankle sprain. We brought in the nutz to fill in and all of a sudden he starts barking and rolling around on the D-line. When he started foaming at the mouth the opposing team got a little worried and it was three and out from that point on, as nobody ran the ball even close to his vicinity.
From dummy to dadawgfather.Greatest Tandem – BJ/Smyler. Blackjack was the greatest hiker this side of the Mississippi, and when Smyler came down with a TD grab, BJ was the first guy to give him a huge hug. Can you feel the love tonight?
Now thats love.
Mr. Media – Cdub. As always I got nothing to say to any camera guys, so fuck off media. Read my blog.
Shit I'll cut it when i feel like it bitches.
Captain Amazing – K. This guy would spend so much time telling people how bad they were at there prospective positions that when we finally threw him a ball he dropped the hell out of it.
He can even punt too.
So there you have it guys, it was a great year and I wanna thank everyone for coming out. Next year we take state, no doubt in my mind things'll be different.
Comments:
Just to clarify, more often than not, I had to remind Russ that he actually needed a football to throw if he wanted to play with the big kids. And if I was there that last game, I would have been able to work my magic and get the refs to not call such bullshit. If anything, I could have flashed them to confuse them, and they may have called cheating on the other team. Great season though, boys.
